Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (2010)

Caution: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Jake Gyllenhaal runs around in the desert flailing swords and other weapons while half-heartedly courting an extremely beautiful but predictably shrewish woman. Oh crap! Everyone dies!! But wait—here come the magic swirling sands of time travel. BOOM! Every problem is fixable when you have the ability to access the ultimate do-over. Falling in love all over again, but now under the perfect circumstances instead of really really tragic ones. The end!

Ok now, despite what you may expect, I didn’t hate this movie. Even though the plot was decidedly silly, I still was left with a feel-good glow after all was said and done. Why? Several reasons:

1) I actually really enjoyed the wholesomeness of the romance between Gyllenhaal’s main character, Dastan, and Tamina, played by Gemma Arterton. There weren’t any of those lurid almost-but-not-really-sex-and why-would-anyone-like-this-when-they-could-just-watch-porn scenes. Instead there was some sweet hand holding and maybe two kisses. Refreshing.

2) I thought the color was really well done. Not something I usually notice unless it’s especially good or bad, and in this case, the images were just really beautiful to look at scene after scene. They were tied together into one wonderfully vibrant palette of oranges and blues, for the most part. Very nice.

3) The absurd moment of realizing I was looking at Alfred Molina in brown-face (playing the character Sheik Amar). What the hell? So ridiculous that I had to laugh. (Almost as ludicrous as Jake Gyllenhaal playing a “Persian” prince with an inexplicably British accent.)

4) Sometimes I like a sugar-coated happy ending and Prince of Persia definitely delivered in that regard. I was actually pretty appalled over the course of the movie as it became clear that literally everyone close to Dastan was going to die. So when the end rolled around and everyone was alive again, my relief was palpable.

So. Not the best entry for the one year anniversary of A Phantasmagoria of Complaints, largely because I didn’t really have too many complaints. However, I’ve enjoyed blogging for a year now, and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it.

The Phantasmagoria continues soon with a photo of a yet to be baked celebratory one year blog anniversary dessert, a top and bottom five (or ten?) list of movies that feature a jump to the future (or maybe time travel in general), as well as a review of a friend’s exciting indie film that I’ll provide a link to so you can watch it if you like.

As always, please let me know if there is anything you’d like to see reviewed here, or if you have a bone to pick with me regarding one of my reviews.

Thanks for reading! Always good to see hits on my statcounter.
-Cait, The Complainer

Machete (2010)

Not quite bad enough to be truly awesome yet not anywhere near good enough to be likable.

Definitely not worth seeing in theaters but maybe (maybe maybe) worth renting, eventually, if you have nothing else you’d like to watch.

Good for a few chuckles and a handful of cringes. Overall: fair.

--

Note to people who read this blog regularly: the one year (!!!!!) anniversary of "A Phantasmagoria of Complaints" is coming up and I’d like to know if anyone would like to see anything specific appear here on the blog. A review of a particular movie, a new top (or bottom) ten list, etc, whatever your hearts desire. If I don’t hear anything I’ll probably just end up baking myself something fancy to celebrate and then posting a photo and everyone will be jealous so you should probably just suggest something fun, ok? OK.