Hesher (2010)

My preliminary response to watching this movie was teenager-text-message-esque. It went something like this:
OMG!! Whaaaaat the helllllll?????
And also a little like this:
awwwwwwwww. :(

Unfortunately, these thoughts, albeit stunningly poetic, do not a legitimate blog post make. An attempt at a slightly more elevated, articulated evaluation follows.

If you don't know already, Hesher is a movie about the harshly arbitrary realities of trying to get through everyday life while dealing with the loss of a loved one. In it, a middle school-ish aged boy named T.J. grapples not only with the untimely death of his mother, but also the subsequent loss of his father to an entirely crippling grief (played with eyebrow raising depth by Rainn Wilson). T.J. has to navigate the uncertain waters of "where to go from here" alone, until one day he encounters the extremely unpleasant, yet well meaning miscreant Hesher (Joseph Gordon-Levitt).

Hesher was one of those rare, artistically successful movies in which form and thematic content serve each other quite well. In other words, the overall aesthetic effect (editing, mise-en-scene, performances, pacing, etc) helped carry the central ideas of the movie across. Gordon-Levitt's character is a literal manifestation of the feelings of turmoil and lawlessness trauma can create for people who find their whole worlds destroyed overnight. Though some may argue that many of Hesher's antics, and indeed the movie's events overall are totally over the top, they do all serve the central purpose of illustrating how crazy the world can seem when it changes for you brutally and unexpectedly overnight.

Another success of Hesher is that it somehow manages to feel genuine yet fairytale-like, hyperbolic and understated. It never lets you feel predictable sentiments, yet the emotions it manages to convey are indisputably real.

I very much recommend this movie, but only if you are prepared to accept the unexpected.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 (2011)

Dear Every Other Reviewer of Twilight,

Please stop complaining about the plot of the movies. Everyone knows the story is silly already-- we read the books. For those viewers of the movie who did not (or did not wish to) acknowledge how silly/terrible the plot is, and what a disgustingly distorted and unhappy relationship dynamic it represents, your review means nothing. They will simply say "haters gon' hate" and throw your review in the trash.

Kindly focus on the cinematic aspects of the movie that failed. They were nearly as catastrophic as the plot elements that you spent your precious word count critiquing. However, as stated above, the flaws of the story were already there in the book. Leave criticizing those up to the book critics.

Please see my review below for an example of an honest consideration of the film's strengths and weaknesses.

Thanks,
Cait (The Complainer)


REVIEW:

This movie sucked and was majorly boring.

Hideously inept acting, extremely poor pacing, and ill timed and ill themed musical accompaniment soured the entire film experience overall. Little details like garish yellow contact lenses and unintentionally hilarious use of special effects kept everyone wondering why they paid to see to the movie in theaters. Lengthy "conversations" between snarling wolves and extremely corny love scenes provided handy moments for bathroom breaks. Taylor Lautner doing a laudable attempt at a crying breakdown, providing what was to be the only emotionally resonant moment of the film for me, served as a handy litmus test for just how bad the movie was overall.

I am still going to see the final installment. I have no justification as for why.

But please get a new editor or a new director or something. At least make me able to pretend I didn't waste my twelve bucks and 100 minutes.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

I want to preface this review by stating that the only reason I watched this movie was that it was the only thing in the house and I was desperate to avoid being productive for a time.

Why avoid the Pirates franchise, you ask? Well. I was already tired of the whole thing by the end of the second movie, and the third installment was so pointless to me that it actually made me angry. And yet! I set out to watch On Stranger Tides with some tiny, absurd grain of optimism. I believe I deserve a pat on the back for dredging up this speck of good will. Perhaps it sprung forth from the promise of mermaids and a hugely relieving lack of Kiera Knightley.

But let's not get too off topic. As you could probably predict, I was sadly disappointed yet again. Featuring a surprisingly uninteresting Penelope Cruz, an entirely indifferent Johnny Depp-- one small fraction of a bevy of other A-list actors who all appeared to be phoning it in-- the movie was another good example of how throwing money at a project will not and cannot make it entertaining.

It seemed the story was being made up by the director as the crew was dragged from overly elaborate set to unnecessarily exotic locale. Dialogue was entirely without merit. Performances were ho-hum, at best.

Cool special effects, unfortunate lack of any other aspect which deserves positive comment.

Blah. Don't waste your time.