06 December 2011

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 (2011)

Dear Every Other Reviewer of Twilight,

Please stop complaining about the plot of the movies. Everyone knows the story is silly already-- we read the books. For those viewers of the movie who did not (or did not wish to) acknowledge how silly/terrible the plot is, and what a disgustingly distorted and unhappy relationship dynamic it represents, your review means nothing. They will simply say "haters gon' hate" and throw your review in the trash.

Kindly focus on the cinematic aspects of the movie that failed. They were nearly as catastrophic as the plot elements that you spent your precious word count critiquing. However, as stated above, the flaws of the story were already there in the book. Leave criticizing those up to the book critics.

Please see my review below for an example of an honest consideration of the film's strengths and weaknesses.

Thanks,
Cait (The Complainer)


REVIEW:

This movie sucked and was majorly boring.

Hideously inept acting, extremely poor pacing, and ill timed and ill themed musical accompaniment soured the entire film experience overall. Little details like garish yellow contact lenses and unintentionally hilarious use of special effects kept everyone wondering why they paid to see to the movie in theaters. Lengthy "conversations" between snarling wolves and extremely corny love scenes provided handy moments for bathroom breaks. Taylor Lautner doing a laudable attempt at a crying breakdown, providing what was to be the only emotionally resonant moment of the film for me, served as a handy litmus test for just how bad the movie was overall.

I am still going to see the final installment. I have no justification as for why.

But please get a new editor or a new director or something. At least make me able to pretend I didn't waste my twelve bucks and 100 minutes.

3 comments:

  1. you paid 12 dollars? i'm sorry

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  2. Summit needs to bring back Catherine Harwicke (CH)to revamp this screw-up by Bill Condon (BC). He truly made a vampire movie WITHOUT SOUL! BD part 1 is totally a hollow/disconnected movie.

    - The wedding scene looked pretty but felt so empty for viewers like me... no wedding cake, no father/daughter dance, Bella/Edward special first dance, etc. Such a great/beautiful wedding scene but was poorly put together. Not enough of character involvement. For example, toasting scene was ruined by whatever BC's decision to toss it around, not flowing nicely. Sadly, I wanted to remember a good wedding scene but ending up all about Jacob throwing fits, WTF!

    - Is this a Chick-flick or action movie? Mr. BC just didn't have the same creativity like CH. She made us fall in love with all the characters while BC fragmented them all, his main focus was on CGI of how sick Bella looked and loud wolf fighting scenes, again WTF!

    - So frustrating/disappointing to see a great story made into a boring mess. He definitely gets my vote for being the worst director of the Twilight series.

    - Not looking forward to BD part 2 that already shot by BC. His No-soul directing style will definitely leave viewers just as angry as in this BD part 1.

    Nat Lee

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  3. Thanks for your comments, Nat! Yes-- I can't see how this movie, arguably fan-service by nature, could have gone further from being enjoyable for anyone, especially the fans. I hope they do some major edits to the final installment before release.

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