Why did this movie not make it onto my top ten worst list? Because it is so bad that in order to protect my mental health, my brain quietly erased it from my conscious memory.
And so, during a post-Halloween all day lay-around-a-thon, it was with a sort of naïve, blank-slate attitude that I happily agreed to watch Queen of the Damned. That’s how my day of quiet post-sugar-rush relaxation transformed into a day of unspeakable outrage.
Even if I couldn’t describe myself as the kind of person who as a teenager read every single one of Anne Rice’s novels, even if I wasn’t a fan of movies about the occult, even if I didn’t readily volunteer myself for bits of camp based on popular culture… I would still be embittered by the mere existence of this movie.
Horrifyingly terrible acting by everyone involved, bizarre non-sequiturs, bad jokes, the inexplicable inclusion of the band Korn, and some seriously immature plot points came together with a large budget to make an outrageously vomitous pastiche of not only Rice’s original material, but also of any shred of a decent film that may have originally existed in the mind of any of the cast or crew.
Sickeningly decadent, but not in the way it was intended.
Kudos to you, makers of Queen of the Damned. You’ve inspired me to work some complaints back into my phantasmagoria. Big time.
Up Next:
Hamlet 2
Beaches of Agnes
The Men Who Stare at Goats
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That's a really great scathing review. I congratulate you!
ReplyDeleteIt's all in good fun. :)
ReplyDeleteI guess one good thing did come out of Queen of the Damned--it provided your blog's first intensely negative review. And if there's anything a phantasmagoria of complaints needs, it's movies to complain about. I can think of few more worthy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, having been present for the post-Halloween all day lay-around-a-thon, I can honestly say that I agreed to watch the movie cause I thought that perhaps, not remembering the movie too well, my 15 year old self hated the movie unfairly because they changed it so much from my beloved Anne Rive novel. Nope. It was awful. God awful. In every possible sense. I would rather friggin watch Twilight, cause at least that's amusingly bad. And Twilight doesn't shit all over my childhood (as inappropraite as it was that Anne Rice was a part of my childhood).