Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (2010)

Caution: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Jake Gyllenhaal runs around in the desert flailing swords and other weapons while half-heartedly courting an extremely beautiful but predictably shrewish woman. Oh crap! Everyone dies!! But wait—here come the magic swirling sands of time travel. BOOM! Every problem is fixable when you have the ability to access the ultimate do-over. Falling in love all over again, but now under the perfect circumstances instead of really really tragic ones. The end!

Ok now, despite what you may expect, I didn’t hate this movie. Even though the plot was decidedly silly, I still was left with a feel-good glow after all was said and done. Why? Several reasons:

1) I actually really enjoyed the wholesomeness of the romance between Gyllenhaal’s main character, Dastan, and Tamina, played by Gemma Arterton. There weren’t any of those lurid almost-but-not-really-sex-and why-would-anyone-like-this-when-they-could-just-watch-porn scenes. Instead there was some sweet hand holding and maybe two kisses. Refreshing.

2) I thought the color was really well done. Not something I usually notice unless it’s especially good or bad, and in this case, the images were just really beautiful to look at scene after scene. They were tied together into one wonderfully vibrant palette of oranges and blues, for the most part. Very nice.

3) The absurd moment of realizing I was looking at Alfred Molina in brown-face (playing the character Sheik Amar). What the hell? So ridiculous that I had to laugh. (Almost as ludicrous as Jake Gyllenhaal playing a “Persian” prince with an inexplicably British accent.)

4) Sometimes I like a sugar-coated happy ending and Prince of Persia definitely delivered in that regard. I was actually pretty appalled over the course of the movie as it became clear that literally everyone close to Dastan was going to die. So when the end rolled around and everyone was alive again, my relief was palpable.

So. Not the best entry for the one year anniversary of A Phantasmagoria of Complaints, largely because I didn’t really have too many complaints. However, I’ve enjoyed blogging for a year now, and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it.

The Phantasmagoria continues soon with a photo of a yet to be baked celebratory one year blog anniversary dessert, a top and bottom five (or ten?) list of movies that feature a jump to the future (or maybe time travel in general), as well as a review of a friend’s exciting indie film that I’ll provide a link to so you can watch it if you like.

As always, please let me know if there is anything you’d like to see reviewed here, or if you have a bone to pick with me regarding one of my reviews.

Thanks for reading! Always good to see hits on my statcounter.
-Cait, The Complainer

Machete (2010)

Not quite bad enough to be truly awesome yet not anywhere near good enough to be likable.

Definitely not worth seeing in theaters but maybe (maybe maybe) worth renting, eventually, if you have nothing else you’d like to watch.

Good for a few chuckles and a handful of cringes. Overall: fair.

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Note to people who read this blog regularly: the one year (!!!!!) anniversary of "A Phantasmagoria of Complaints" is coming up and I’d like to know if anyone would like to see anything specific appear here on the blog. A review of a particular movie, a new top (or bottom) ten list, etc, whatever your hearts desire. If I don’t hear anything I’ll probably just end up baking myself something fancy to celebrate and then posting a photo and everyone will be jealous so you should probably just suggest something fun, ok? OK.

The Girl Who Played with Fire (2009)

Pretty good overall. Noomi Rapace was awesome, again. And in the first few seconds of the movie it became clear that I’d misjudged the ending of the last one by a lot. All kinds of kick-ass going on in this movie, and no watered down B.S. romantic imperatives. What a relief.

The Girl Who Played with Fire, just like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, will make you consider what it means to watch brutal violence, specifically against women, on the big screen. Not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely difficult to watch at times. Worth the effort for the story and the compelling lead character.

Go see this (and rent the first one too) if you can, before Hollywood churns out its sure to be disappointing adaptation.

Dinner for Schmucks (2010)

Pretty funny, but not really the type where you’re laughing hysterically every three to five minutes. More like a chuckle every ten to fifteen minutes.

Questionable use of the word schmuck: the people in question aren’t really schmucks at all; they’re just sad-ish oddballs lacking in social aptitude.

Also, while the peripheral characters are interesting and definitely unique, you still have to suffer through yet another Paul Rudd playing a guy who used to be nice, became a jerk, and now has to win back his sweetheart by being nice again storyline. Ugh.

Overall, I’d say Dinner for Schmucks is worth a rental. Mostly for the seriously wonderful lovely mice taxidermy tableaux that Steve Carell’s character dedicates his time to, and also for Jermaine Clement’s (of The Flight of the Conchords) well done satire of a pompous artist who photographs himself in animal costumes. Highly silly. I approve.

The Runaways (2010)

This based-on-a-true-story film about the formation of the all girl rock band The Runaways was kind of a letdown, but that wasn’t particularly surprising given the criticism it already received, both when it made the festival circuit and when it was distributed more widely.

I was hoping that critics had been unjustified in rating it so low, but sadly they were right. It was a pretty boring movie overall. Eyebrow raising, considering that the story it tells (of how Joan Jett and company were brought together to form a rather groundbreaking band) is actually pretty interesting in and of itself. It just wasn’t served by the filmmaking and the way the whole thing was put together.

What I did like, however, was Kristen Stewart’s performance. Finally breaking away from the moody teenager romantic angst figure that she’s been associated with so far, Stewart actually convincingly portrays Jett in presumably accurate fashion (Jett herself has been quoted as saying Stewart actually became her for the film)*. Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that I’m already a fan of Stewart for various reasons, but I think here in The Runaways Stewart’s performance can show that she’s actually a quality actor to those who aren’t on Team Bella.

Maybe rent it if you’re interested in the music history already, or if you’re really keen on seeing Kristen Stewart make out with Dakota Fanning. Overall- meh.

*I don’t remember where. Most likely in an interview in Entertainment Weekly.

The Monster Squad (1987)

Yeah, this movie is good…if you like your movies ridiculous and offensive.

From scenes with Dracula shouting “Give me the amulet, you BITCH!” in the face of a terrified five-year-old girl, to Frankenstein taking photos of a stereotypical 1980s teenage girl in pink bra and thong while muttering “bogus,” it is entirely clear that no one was holding anything back while making this film.

Less amusing: a bunch of twelve year olds throwing around “fag” and “homo” like there’s no tomorrow, with gratuitous violence, lackluster characters, and a plot that would make even the biggest B-movie fan fall asleep.

I watched The Monster Squad because a number of people had said that it was “critically underrated” and “deserved watching.” Clearly I do not share that opinion. This movie should have stayed in 1987.

Bogus, indeed.

Inception (2010)

My feelings toward Inception are not unlike a teacher’s toward the student who sets the curve for the class. Sort of a “hooray, you were totally the best out of the group” attitude balanced with a good dose of “you (and everyone else) really could be doing a lot better.”

That being said, I think the movie had a ton of really impressive aspects to it. The intensity was staggering—I was unable to break concentration for a second, because I felt compelled to fully invest in its details and all the questions it was asking. At the same time, such concentration and investigation was almost immediately rendered irrelevant because we were encouraged to keep diving further and further into the maze without trying to remember the way out. Just as for the main characters, the best way out of the welter was to plunge further in, forgoing any attempt at leaving a trail of breadcrumbs.

I also found that the story felt very personal, but sort of effortlessly so. I wasn’t drawn into it by knowing all the details of the time period it was supposed to be set in, or by knowing each character’s back story. Rather, I suspect that my willingness to go along with the emotions and interests of the characters is the result of a well written screenplay combined with some seriously great acting. I can’t even pick out one performance that I thought was particularly well done—every single actor in the movie delivered on his or her role completely and fully.

And lest you begin to suspect that this is just a fan-girl, stars in her eyes over JGL/Leo workin’ together like some kind of fantasy designed just for me moment, let me point out that my favorite scene of the movie had nothing to do with the attractiveness of anyone, and more to do with the level of thought put into both the dialogue and the acting. The hands down best moment of Inception, for me, was when Cobb takes the dying Mal in his arms and explains to her that she’s not his real wife. He says something to the effect of “you’re not half of what my real wife was, because you’re just my own memory/interpretation/reproduction of a sad shadow of the real her.” Hello awesome metaphor for a lot of stuff! (Film/acting/artistic representation/memory/relationships/etc)

Yes indeed, through and through Inception was a really smart, thoughtful, and creative film on questions that the noir genre has been working through since it first reared its difficult to define head way back in the ‘40s.

Why, then, did I start out this review by saying that it sets the curve but doesn’t go far enough? I don’t really know and it’s hard to explain. I’d definitely give Inception an A when compared to the movies that have been coming out so far this year. However, I’d probably assign it a solid B when compared to my favorites picked from cinema from all over the world since the beginning.

Maybe it was because the dreams weren’t weird enough to suit my fancy. Nolan did an excellent job re-creating the feeling of the dream—the disorientation combined with total normalcy, the changes in perspective, the emotions that were made metaphors of. But I’m the kind of person who has bizarro epic nightmares about being Johnny Depp and a vampire in a movie that I’m also watching. So for me, these ‘dreamscapes’ were surprisingly mundane, in a way.

I’m also not a huge fan of spending gag-inducing amounts of cash on movies for no discernible reason. Yeah, I know that to complain about the industry spending money is dumb. That’s like complaining about concepts with capital letters at the beginning: Capitalism, Sexism, Poverty, Ignorance! Pointless, passé, and actually hugely distracting from fresher, more pressing and nuanced debates. But I watched crews laboriously construct a set (the rooftop set that Mal, Cobb and Arthur appear on in the opening sequence for, say, five minutes total in the beginning of the movie) down the street from my house for approximately three months only to tear it down after one night of filming. The whole thing felt a smidge wasteful.

Anyway, neither of those complaints is really a solid reason for me not giving Inception a wildly enthusiastic review. But I’ll give it a solid one without any debate, because it is definitely a good example of creativity in filmmaking, pretty cool special effects, and really excellent acting. I just wasn’t hugely crazy about it, for whatever reason. Definitely worth watching though, and in theaters too.

But people, I know we can do better. Whether or not we will is a different question altogether. I’ll totally look forward to watching filmmakers try.