Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

I want to preface this review by stating that the only reason I watched this movie was that it was the only thing in the house and I was desperate to avoid being productive for a time.

Why avoid the Pirates franchise, you ask? Well. I was already tired of the whole thing by the end of the second movie, and the third installment was so pointless to me that it actually made me angry. And yet! I set out to watch On Stranger Tides with some tiny, absurd grain of optimism. I believe I deserve a pat on the back for dredging up this speck of good will. Perhaps it sprung forth from the promise of mermaids and a hugely relieving lack of Kiera Knightley.

But let's not get too off topic. As you could probably predict, I was sadly disappointed yet again. Featuring a surprisingly uninteresting Penelope Cruz, an entirely indifferent Johnny Depp-- one small fraction of a bevy of other A-list actors who all appeared to be phoning it in-- the movie was another good example of how throwing money at a project will not and cannot make it entertaining.

It seemed the story was being made up by the director as the crew was dragged from overly elaborate set to unnecessarily exotic locale. Dialogue was entirely without merit. Performances were ho-hum, at best.

Cool special effects, unfortunate lack of any other aspect which deserves positive comment.

Blah. Don't waste your time.

Secretary (2002)

When I first heard about Secretary from a girlfriend I was skeptical. I did not think I could trust a movie with James Spader in it to treat the subject of BDSM with proper respect, showing the complexities and subtleties of the lifestyle without regressing into some silly caricature of what some straight-laced people think BDSM means/looks like.

But then, after many different girlfriends over many years repeatedly suggested it to me, I finally caved and added it to my queue.

I was pleasantly surprised. Maggie Gyllenhall wields a sweet submissive agency over her (somewhat reluctantly) dominating boss played quite well by Spader. As their romance unfolds we get to see the dynamics of their relationship played out with almost a parable-like flair-- even the erotic scenes are treated such that they carry plenty of meaning (and interest) and still manage void the pitfalls of vulgarity and unnecessary realism.

Overall--recommended if you like something off the beaten path are are comfortable seeing a different kind of hetero relationship than what you usually get at the movies.

Iris (Cirque du Soleil-- Kodak Center, Los Angeles)

Iris (pronounced the French way, "ee-rees") isn't a movie; it's a Cirque du Soleil show that's playing right now at the Kodak Theater (where they film the Academy Awards) in L.A., the theme of which is the history of cinema and movie making.

Needless to say, when I several months ago first saw the advertisements for this show, I was overwhelmed with enthusiasm and excitement. This buoyant feeling almost immediately (and predictably) devolved into anxiety that Cirque would somehow manage to screw it up and thereby incur my wrath for sullying the subject that has been my passion for quite some time now. Despite my apprehension, however, I ended up deciding to go to the show anyway, because I've been fortunate enough to have seen several Cirque shows over the last ten years and I thoroughly enjoyed them all.

Fast forward to September 11th, 2011 (yes, I'm a little behind on my blogging) and you'll find me nearly moved to tears within seconds of being seated before the show starts, because I can see from the get-go that the crazy French Canadian Guy Laliberte (CEO of Cirque du Soleil) has done yet another mind bogglingly competent job putting together a crazy-weird-circus-fantasy spectacle.

My favorite pre-show attraction was the female mime wandering the crowd with a metal contraption surrounding her body. She solicited several people to spin her curious cylinder-skirt, and when no one would do it fast enough to suit her needs she gave it a yank herself. To the delight of the crowd, her skirt (which resembled a film reel turned on its side) revealed itself to be a working zoetrope showing boxers fighting each other in a short, repeated loop. Rewind to February of 2005 and you'll find a fresher-faced me sitting in my history of early cinema class at UC Berkeley watching a very enthusiastic young professor (Professor Kaveh Askari, a graduate of the University of Chicago (?) if you were wondering) demonstrating much smaller versions of the same pre-cinematic device and others like it. This was probably the moment that I decided I loved film and wanted to learn everything about it, and so for the Cirque show to reference it meant a lot to me. (<-- huge understatement) The rest of the show was no different in terms of its emotional impact. Nearly every single aspect connected to some aspect of film as an art form, film history, or film production. Some of the references made were: - Norman McLaren's "Pas de deux"

- Georges Melies' "A Trip to the Moon"

- Edison's "Electrocution of an Elephant" (part of the Cinema of Attractions)

"The Kiss"

- Lotte Reiniger's "Adventures of Prince Achmed"

- Dziga Vertov's "The Man with the Movie Camera" or "The Cinematic Orchestra"

- The Al Jolson film "The Jazz Singer"

- And even what I took as a reference to a particular character from a Hayao Miyazaki film (Howl's Moving Castle)

All these references (and many, many more) were integrated with the usual Cirque spectacle of acrobatics, contortionists, a loose, somewhat dubious romantic narrative that ties the show together, wonderful live music, and some silly clowns which Cirque here opted to use to refer to modern day Hollywood industry stereotypes.

My favorite part was the McLaren reference, because it took a series of dancers and placed them in front of an enormous screen that showed their motion trails, just like in "Pas de deux". I also greatly relished the carnival/vaudeville aspect to this particular Cirque show (though I recognize it's a somewhat common theme throughout them and circus in general), because it connected back to the roots of film as a sort of freak show attraction. I also was just as much impressed by the integration of technology into the acts (I'm thinking in particular of one scene that's incredibly difficult to describe, so I'll leave it up to you to go experience it for yourself) as I was by the skill of the performers, some of whom are Olympic athletes.

I can't say whether many people in the audience understood these myriad references to cinema, but whether or not they did is not important to me. I loved the show because it reminded me of a time in my life not so long ago when I was ruled by a singular passion and drive inspired by the art form of film. Though this time isn't very far distant from me, it feels miles away. Because I am acutely aware of the literal (and metaphorical) distance I've traveled since those glorious days of oblivious (arguably naive) infatuation with my chosen subject of study, Iris moved me quite deeply insofar as it helped me reconnect with past moments in the sun, and I know this intensely personal experience would certainly not be what most people experience on seeing the show.

I highly recommend that you see Iris if you love film and you're in Los Angeles. You won't regret it.

Paul (2011)

Another alien movie! But this one has British people, comic-con, and a bunch of jokes about gayness that seem like the filmmakers were trying to prove how OK they are with gayness!

Also: Seth Rogen. On the fence about him in normal roles, experienced slight distaste with him in voice-over mode as the gauche but ultimately friendly alien for whom the movie is named.

Some mildly amusing hijinks, Kristen Wiig doing some lukewarm comedy, and Sigourney Weaver in a strange caricature of a role that feels like some of her skits on SNL, and not in a good way. Involved a bunch of other celebrities I don't feel like listing.

Overall: probably not worth your time, unless you're really really into alien movies. In which case, still meh.

Cowboys and Aliens (2011)

This movie was a headache-inducing combination of dull and annoying.

It could be the fact that I find Daniel Craig a little... what's the word I'm looking for... fugly?

Or maybe it's just that I'm pretty tired of Harrison Ford for no real reason other than an interview on Conan that was completely devoid of direction or charm.

However, I'd say the most likely reason I didn't enjoy Cowboys and Aliens is because it seemed like it was trying to be some type of trendy, hip update on the western, but then it wasn't. I saw weak copies of character types and appearances from both Rango and True Grit (in fact, I read in EW that the costume designer actually used fabrics from True Grit for this film), but Cowboys and Aliens had nothing on either of those movies, despite the budget and the talent involved.

I guess I was glad it wasn't a sequel to anything, and it wasn't another insufferably banal superhero movie. However, being glad a bad movie isn't another type of bad movie doesn't make it good. The only points it gets in my book is the horrifying ugliness of the aliens. NOT. ENOUGH.

Blah.

The Illusionist (L'illusionniste) (2010)

The Illusionist is the animated interpretation of a script by the late great French filmmaker Jacques Tati. Directed by Sylvain Chomet (who was responsible for the much lauded The Triplets of Belleville (2003)), this film has a reputation for being compulsory viewing and is generally marketed as some type of Francophone animated masterpiece.

Admittedly, this aura of greatness is the justified result of being associated with both Tati and Chomet, whose honestly earned reputations managed to launch The Illusionist into that cringe-worthy category of film that "anyone interested in the cinema simply must see" and, implicitly, value and enjoy.

As you might expect, I could not wholeheartedly buy into the charm of this adaptation of Tati's work. Yes, the animation was charming. Yes, there were neat visual puns and clever tongue-in-cheek caricatures of various figures. Yes, there was a vicious rabbit and a wide eyed girl speaking Scottish Gaelic.

Yet there was a hole here, a gap. A lack. Charisma without depth, perhaps? The animation was nice, but not that creative. The story was gently frustrating, with safely low stakes for everyone involved. The extremely minimalistic dialogue was refreshing, but with so little a compelling story behind it, ultimately ill used.

Overall I sadly cannot recommend this film. If you're very interested in animation you'll probably watch it anyway, but consider yourself forewarned of disappointment.

Transformers (2007)

Literally the worst movie I have ever seen.

Harry Potter Update

So. As some of you may have noticed, I have NOT been keeping up with my self imposed goal of writing one Potter review a month leading up to the big night (which is tonight).

This comes as a result of extreme busy-ness on my part, which, while not unforeseen, nevertheless could not be helped.

As it stands I have Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince sitting on my desk waiting to be watched, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 in my Netflix queue, and a ticket to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 safely tucked away in one of my rendezvous's wallets for later on.

After I finish this post I'll be heading upstairs to prepare coffee for the midnight viewing, which I will be attending with friends who are willing and eager to share in my extremely nerdy enthusiasm for "the end," which sadly and also awesomely begins tonight at midnight.

I'm going as Luna Lovegood, re-imagined as a college student or maybe a young adult going to her Hogwarts 10 year reunion. This is my thinly veiled excuse for not having enough time to brush up and create my props anew. I do, however, still have the wand I made and the robe I grudgingly* bought, both of which will be coming with me tonight to help me fully realize my true potential for ridiculous dress-up play.

Anyway. The long and short of it is that the Phantasmagoria of Potter will continue longer than originally planned.

Thereby prolonging the end a bit longer for you all, which if you're anything like me, isn't such a bad thing at all. -sniff-

*(They didn't even have one in Ravenclaw colors, so I'm hoping I won't catch the eye or the wrath of any rabid purists this evening before the show!)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

What stands out most to me about HP5 is that this installment of the series marks the beginning of the grown-up stuff.

In addition to the real, heavy-hitting incidents that begin to unfold, we also encounter more complicated relationships between friends and family members. Much of the silly stuff is over and done now, with some shockingly dark elements beginning to rear their ugly heads (read: sickening Umbridge, malicious Kreature, weak Cornelius Fudge, and the ever-odious Malfoys).

Rowling also shows her mean streak by yanking the possibility of happiness for Harry out from under him (and, incidentally, us too), in what will be the first of many heartbreaking personal losses in the series.

While HP5 marks an improvement for me in terms of how its depth and complexity compares to what we've seen so far, it also signals the beginning of the end.

-Sigh.- While I can't wait for July 15th, I also dread it.

Who's with me?

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Hey. Everyone! Sorry I didn't post one single blog entry in the entire month of May. It was an intensely busy month, but it was not without movie watching, and neither was June. So consider the emptying of the now substantial backlog officially begun.

Up first, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World!

I waited a long time to watch this movie. When I first saw the previews for it way back when I thought it looked intriguing, but I was hesitant to allow my enthusiasm to grow because I had a tiny paranoid conspiracy that this movie was being marketed to appeal to a very specific subset of young adults to which I definitely (albeit somewhat reluctantly) belong. To make myself clear, I was afraid I was getting sucked in by cheap, glittery, hipster-y advertising tactics rather than by the potential of the movie.

To make matters worse, in the interim between seeing the trailers for Scott Pilgrim and finally watching it on DVD I picked up the comic in a local bookstore and was unimpressed by the illustrations. I'm an avid consumer of graphic novels, and I have to say that if I don't like the illustrations I'm seeing, I don't like the book. So strike two for Scott Pilgrim.

Anyway, the movie finally made its way up in my Netflix queue and I thought I'd give it a try if for no other reason than to have fodder for some actual complaints on this phantasmagoria.

I was pleasantly surprised. I liked the characters, I liked the effects, and I loved the pacing. The aesthetic was pretty cool, and the music was fun. There was some level of complexity there, and the relationships seemed decently real to me. I also really liked this character. Her blinding rage and her ability to bleep her own cuss words were thoroughly entertaining.

Overall, I'd suggest this movie to you if you're into comics/graphic novels, Canada, hipsters, music, hair dye, action/adventure type things, movies about 20-something creative types, Michael Cera, good acting, snappy writing, and good movies.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

I think this is my least favorite HP of the series. Moments like this can begin to show you why. I believe what bothers me about this particular HP installment is sadly obvious in the clip, despite the laughably poor quality of this video. If you don't pick it up, then I think you and I are on very very different pages in terms of movie taste.

But anyway, besides the over-the-top campyness used to portray the two visiting schools of magic, the main problem I have with the movie is that there is neither enough blatant silliness and nor enough disturbing darkness to really draw me into the film as much as the rest of series.

There are a few redeeming features, however, and experience of watching Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire is by no means a waste of time. My favorite aspects of HP4 are MadEye Moody, the portrayal of the nationalistic mania associated with the Quidditch World Cup, and the blunt sucker-punch of Cedric Diggory's death.

Plus, who can help but slyly grin at all of Ron Weasley's vaguely vulgar asides regarding the rear ends of the ladies of BeauxBatons? Certainly not me.

In fact, I find myself clinging to this film in a way, especially knowing what sort of emotional blows await me in the final chapters of the story.

While I look forward to seeing the development of my favorite characters (and the introduction of my alter-ego!) in the films to come, HP4 marks the turning point from which I may look back at the previous films with nostalgia for the innocence portrayed in them.

Rio (2011)

Semi-amusing, one dimensional characters traipse about a brightly colored two-dimensional (yes, I opted out of the 3-D) world. Highly predictable plot, but that didn't really bother me.

What did bother me were the poop jokes, Jesse Eisenberg laying his "trying to be the adorable loser with a slight edge of assholishness" persona on distastefully thick (especially for a cartoon bird), and almost a total (predictable) lack of the favelas that make the real Rio de Janeiro what it is.

Overall: C- at best. If you really feel compelled to see it, wait for the rental.

Rango (2011)

I really enjoyed this movie. I thought the dialogue was genuinely interesting and funny, and that the subject matter was both whimsical and novel.

The character design was never cute, and for the most part, not visually appealing on any level. I found this lack of aesthetic appeal refreshing. The ugliness and oddness of the characters was pleasantly counterbalanced by some very delightful visual moments. Two (of many possible) examples that spring to mind are 1) when Rango is "drawing" in the dark night sky using a smoldering stick from a fire (it looks like flashlight trails captured on long exposure film), and 2) the strange wandering plants based on the real-life Spanish Dagger cactus. I loved the movement and strange personification these plants had in the film.

Overall, Rango was through and through a great animated film. A word of warning, however: though marketed as such, this is DEFINITELY NOT a children's movie. From beginning to end it has elements that would (and did, in the theater I was in) outright terrify small children. There were also some really violent moments, and some mild cussing (along the lines of hell and damn).

To be truly enjoyed by grown-ups only.

Red Riding Hood (2011)

A lot of close-ups on Amanda Seyfried's way too big eyes as she gazes unconvincingly longingly at some very not cute Edward/Jacob knock-offs.

Bewildering story, inane details (Large metal elephant that you can torture someone in by putting a fire under it??? How did anyone ever think this was a good idea?!), infantile delivery and editing choices. PS. There's a choreographed dance scene.

PPS. This movie sucked.

Worth a laugh, maybe, as a rental. Do not pay to see it in a theater. They couldn't even get the shots of the winter landscape scenery right. Ouch.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

What I like most about HP3 is the large amount of silly, physically humorous moments scattered throughout. Scenes from the Whomping Willow's surprisingly brutal anti-bird maneuvers to the series of wonderfully thought through portrayals of the anti-boggart counter spell "Riddikulus!" keep me giggling like a sugar-high child throughout.

This intermittent laughter is a welcome effect, especially in light of the fact that this particular installment of HP really starts to delve into the dark and sometimes troubling complexities of grown-ups. In this movie we have a number of adult characters who have more than one side to their personalities, including the impulsive yet tender Sirius Black, the compassionate and monstrous Professor Remus Lupin, and the truly odious yet pathetic Peter Pettigrew.

I think HP3 definitely serves as an effective gateway into the more serious subject matter of the following films, with danger and despair growing ever closer to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Yet here Rowling's magical world still provides marvelously relieving hints of hope, both in the form of magical devices (time turner, anyone?) and a strong sense of goodness in the people who count.

I hope you are as excited to keep watching as I am.

Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)

Just a little late for Saint Patrick's Day!

I love a movie that is self-consciously terrible. One that really acknowledges its own disfunctionality and gets a little carried away with itself celebrating it.

Enter Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun in the Hood. Oh my goodness this is a terrible movie. The story makes no sense at all, the actors seem like they're trying not to laugh as they deliver their lines, and even the gore/sex factor usually providing some vague sense of interest in a B-movie doesn't quite deliver.

And yet. AND YET! Leprechaun 5 still manages to be amusing. Each scene of half-baked ideas for outlandish deaths, mythological maniacs who speak in rhyme, and random "Zombie Fly Girl" gratuitous gold plastic hot pants (yeah, you read that right) seems like it's trying to outdo the last. The result: an entertaining and surprisingly light evening of entertainment.

Certainly good for a few hours of escapism, if nothing else.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

I like HP2 for two reasons: 1) “Diagon-ally!” And 2) Kenneth Branagh’s spot-on interpretation of Professor Gilderoy Lockhart.

It is not my favorite Harry Potter movie though, and also takes a back seat to the first installment for me, personally. Director Chris Columbus falters in maintaining the buoyant feeling of newness present in the first movie, but he also fails to commit to doing anything very different in other key areas. The biggest problem for me is that the stakes still are not very high for the three lead characters. Even Herminone’s petrifaction and Ginny’s involvement with and subsequent near death experience caused by Tom Riddle seem to get swept under the rug in terms their effect on Harry and Ron.

Nevertheless, overall I think HP2 is a movie worth watching. The magic is still there, if not in how the story is handled by the filmmakers, then certainly in the cinematic portrayal of Rowling’s magical world itself (including Dobby the house-elf (!!!), who is introduced in this film).

The Secret of Kells (2009)

Very mesmerizing visually, slightly less spectacular plot-wise.

I was delighted to find out that the story is based on an actual book-—an illuminated manuscript of the Gospel from ninth century Ireland.

Overall, a lovely film to behold. Certainly worth your time.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

For not having the most nuance of the series in terms of plot, humor, or acting, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone certainly wins out in other areas of arguably equal value.

Wonder-inspiring both in terms of visuals and content, and with optimism aplenty to be enjoyed by all, this first movie in the series easily manages to most appropriately bear the moniker “children’s media”. What’s more, even many years and many films later, I found that HP1 still possesses the delightful boon of being able to inspire an audience of adults to feel like children while they watch. At least I did.

Director Chris Columbus (whose projects include The Goonies (screenwriter - 1985) and Home Alone (director - 1990)) does a good job of conveying the tone of buoyant and naively headstrong first-timer enthusiasm present in the book. He also brings out some surprisingly good character portrayals from the very inexperienced trio of young actors who play the lead characters.

Overall, though this first film is not my favorite in the whole series, there is no denying that it has my heart.

Harry Potter Series!

To My Approximately 15-20 Regular-ish Readers:

In acknowledgment, celebration, and preemptive nostalgia (if not outright mourning) of the upcoming end of the Harry Potter series of films, I will hereby commence reviewing each and every one, beginning with Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001).

The final installment of the series will arrive in July of this year, and as we all know the last book of the septuple series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, has been split into two movies. This means that if I do two reviews this month (January), each month hereafter will conveniently contain one review of a Harry Potter film for your enjoyment and consideration, ending with the review of the final film in July.

I hope this is as exciting for you as it is for me. Perhaps it will provide you with a valid excuse to watch the whole thing all over again along with me. The prospect certainly brightens my January day.

Look for the review of the first film late this week or early next.

-Cait